The TV Lies, Clyde
by Last-wonderful
Summary: When You Whack a Terry's Chocolate Orange...well you could get punched. Clyde really has to stop believing in everything that he see's on the TV. Cleek


**YA, KNOW THIS SUCKS. I'M NOT GOING TO SAY IT ROCKS...AT ALL. I JUST SAW THIS COMMERCIAL AND I THOUGHT THAT CLYDE WOULD TOTALLY BELIEVE IT. I GUESS THIS COULD BE A SEQUEL TO MY TRUTH OR DARE STORY. I JUST LOVE CLYDE AND TWEEK, SO LOVEABLE. I HAVE A NOTHER IDEA FOR ANOTHER ONESHOT FOR THEM AND A BUNCH OF OTHER ONESHOTS I JUST CANT YPE ALOT BECAUSE OF MY WHACKED OUT COMPUTER. THIS WAS WRITTEN AT CHRISTMAS TIME I JUST COULDNT GET THE ENDING WRITE AND THEN MY COMPUTEWR WENT SKREWY SO SORRY FOR THE LONG HOLD UP. ENJOY...OR DONT BITCH ABOUT HOW BAD IT IS PLEASE. **

"When you whack a Terry's Chocolate Orange, Good Things Happen!"

Some people say I'm a gullible person, but I'm totally not. And really, the TV would never lie to us, like that would never happen. If you've seen it on TV it is true, man!

And as I watched the guy hit the chocolate orange on the table and the girl fall down into his living room in the bath tub, I knew that THAT was my golden ticket.

Tweek, my loveable, hot, sexy, crazy, boyfriend….who doesn't put out…ever. I HAVE NEEDS DAMNIT! Everybody needs sex! But he wants to wait. Psh, no he doesn't! He needs my DICK up his ASS! NOW! We live TOGETHER and we haven't had sex. We're like….20! And both of us have never had sex! We've been going out since high school!

And when I got that chocolate orange in my stocking from him on Christmas, I knew that that was a invitation to sex. Like, he has seen the commercial, he knows what happens when I bang that orange…..hehe, bang.

So know that he's in the shower, I know this is the time that I have to whack that Terry's Chocolate Orange, and lose my virginity. I'M GOING TO LOSE MY VIRGINITY! I'm the man! No longer will I have to listen to Craig going on about his sex life, because now **I** can talk about my sex life!

All I have to do know is…..find the damn chocolate orange. I looked everywhere, even in Tweek's room. Well, I tried until that alarm went off. I can't believe he doesn't trust me enough to sleep in a separate room, and use a lock door and alarm system! Anyways, where the hell is i-!…Oh, there it is! Buried under the couch cushions, why didn't I remember that?

Being the macho man I am, it will only take one bang….and then I can bang Tweek.

Okay, Get Ready.

One…..Two…THREE!

"WAP!"

…..

Um…that was a warm up run, ya totally. I just have to get my heart rate moving, just loosen up my arms a bit.

Okay, GO!

"BANG!"

Damnit!

Okay, let's see. Maybe from a different angle? Ya, ya! And a harder surface like the wall? Okay, aim at the wall…..

"POW!"

"COME OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"

**SEVERAL ATTEMPTS LATER**

I give up, this will never work. The TV lied to me, something I saw on TV was not true.

I have a whole new outlook on life...and I have trashed the house and broke most of the stuff in the living room.

Does that mean that there really aren't a whole bunch of people who crashed on a messed up island, or like Hannah Montana's not Miley Cyrus…I. Know. Nothing.

….

…..

NO! I know! It's broken. Duh!

Dumb thing making me doubt the TV.

I tossed the dumb orange to the side, hopefully it still tastes good.

"BANG!"

"SPLASH!"

"CRASH!"

…..not the coffee cup.

"C-CLYDE!" I heard Tweek running frantically down the stairs, running into the living room. I quickly jumped in front of my mess; spilled coffee + broken coffee cup = heart attack for Tweek + dead Clyde

See, I can do math.

"Was crack-I-lacking, Tweekers?" I asked, swaying side to side, trying to look as innocent as possible. I'm just waiting till he drops the towel and we have some hot man loving.

"S-Someone spilt my coffee!" My boyfriend said, eyes wide and panicked. I always wondered how he did that? It's like there was a disturbance in the force!…God damn it Kevin! I got to stop talking to him…Oh, he's talking. "-y imported thousand dollar COFFEE! THERE WAS ONLY ENOUGH FOR ONE CUP AND KNOW IT'S GONE! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"...Is that before or after we have sex?"

POW!


End file.
